Living from the Heart: Spiritual Bypassing, Building Community & Introspection
Editor’s note:
Spiritual Bypassing is a term used to describe an Ego Defense Mechanism, most typically that of Avoidance.
It’s used in order to prevent the experiencer from feeling the fullness of a personal wound and will block them from any recognition of a ‘bigger picture’ potential for compassionate self-healing and witness. It is an unwillingness to look deeper into the core reasons behind an action or belief, and is often applied to prevent an ‘infected’ wound from being reopened in the false view that the wound will heal itself if left untended.
The profile of this person is that they ignore, deny, finger-point or downplay certain events or actions, from self or others, in order to protect themselves from being mentally or emotionally triggered. As a result, they deny the core wound or make convenient assumptions in order to rationalize the reasons for their response/stance/belief. Usually, the blame is squarely placed on others and thus they re-enforce their view of themselves as helpless and dis-empowered to experience a more loving and supportive worldview.
How is your heart? Can you feel it in your body? Are you aware of sensations in and around it? Is it light as a feather or does it weigh like wet cotton in summer? Okay, enough of the third degree. If you don’t know then sit and feel into it because it matters; the condition of your heart is the condition of your life.
In my life, I have experienced many feelings in my heart; grief, joy, pain, gratitude, love, and so on and so forth. However, it has taken years of deep meditation, courage, honesty, forgiveness, and self-love to engage with these feelings. Some days my heart is as light as a feather, while other days it’s like a sponge filled with molasses. This is a special practice of awareness that enables you to occupy the cockpit of your life and pilot the plane through life's storms. It enables you to grow, learn, hear, and forgive.
What happens when you lack awareness of your heart’s condition? There was an individual, whom we’ll call JC, that attended my martial arts kwoon and has since walked away from our community due to the condition of his heart. JC had a close relationship with an elder at our studio, whom we’ll call David, that ended due to JC’s inability to forgive. One day David was recalling a story about a time an irate individual screamed slurs and other profanities at him. He said the actual racial slur while recalling the story. JC was hurt by David’s lack of understanding about why such a thing is not okay to say. However, JC did not say “your choice of words describing this story has triggered deep feelings of anger, sadness, and disappointment” instead he criticized David with cruel words and terminated their friendship.
Since then, our community leaders have spoken to David and explained to him why such a thing would be harmful while fully understanding that the words he said aren’t who he is. David was heartbroken by what occurred because he deeply loved JC’s friendship and spirit. So he apologized several times and opened up to having a conversation about it. JC’s response was dead silence. He believes that space is valuable and the best way to avoid getting hurt is to not be there. JC believes that he is taking heart-based actions and following his spirit because relationships are expendable if they cause any discomfort.
So what does this all mean? Do you terminate relationships if someone hurts you? Well, that depends. In a community, you will encounter all types of souls. Some of them will feel like missing pieces to a puzzle while others will push you out of your comfort zone. There are instances wherein community members are unloving, unkind, abusive, and unapologetic. In this event, it is wise to avoid a close connection with one who shows up in such a way. However, there are times when a loving, well-meaning individual is at worst unkind and at best triggering. This is an opportunity to expand your growth.
When you feel hurt by the actions of another, then two things are possible; you can earnestly share the condition of your heart with them and take time alone to reflect on the deeper reasons why you were affected. Why would anyone benefit from those actions? Taking these two steps will help you mature as a soul and build powerful communities that truly feel like dynamic spaces where you can be yourself and are encouraged to grow. Know your heart and know it well because you cannot blame another being for the condition of your being. The experiences that manifest around us are on the plane of effect, while the casual plane takes place within our minds, hearts, karmic baggage, and other metaphysical dimensions. In other words, you reap what you sow. Also, when you excommunicate someone for making a mistake it teaches them that they are not safe to make mistakes and learn from them.
When we are aware of our heart’s condition we avoid spiritual bypassing; our hearts then become more available to others which promotes connection, healing, and unity in our community.
Roots
SEVEN QUESTIONS TO INSPIRE INTROSPECTION:
What does your heart feel like? How does it change around certain individuals, situations, or environments?
Can you remember a time when your heart was most open? A time when it was most closed? Why?
What does community mean to you?
Think of your own story of growth. Was it ‘neat or messy’? How so?
Think of a person whose growth has been a messy process, how do you feel about their process?
How do you feel about your own process of growth? Is it messy for better or worse? How so?
Is your heart free? What is your definition of freedom? I dare you to challenge it.
Article written & submitted to Back2Youth by Eva Osirus. Thank you Eva! It’s or honor to share your wisdom.
Eva Osirus's background is in classical music, healing, literature, and art. Creation is life; whether it is a story, verse, collage art, singing, or music production, Eva creates that which is inspiring, truthful, and contrary to illusion. When she is not working in the community or creating, Eva is walking a path to become a better being through qigong, Tai Chi, Kungfu, and meditation. Eva is a lover and seeker of life that embraces duality as an enlightening tool of reality. Every day she chooses to create and live a life endowed with faith, love, truth, and balance.